First Reflection
Hi it’s me again. I’m putting up a new website. I’m sitting here with my son and baby — the last time I wrote a website I had neither. As much of a pain as it is, it is nice to sit and take stock of the things I’ve done. It’s achingly not fun but good for me. Sort of like writing in a journal, or making a scrapbook, except it’s for the world to see, and I can see all the holes that might emerge, the fun projects that are possible, the things I want to do. It may be tough to find a thread, a narrative arc? I don’t think arc is the right word. I’m not sure it would be right to just proclaim what the meaning of everything would be.
This is yet again an excruciating process. This is an older headshot (fig. 1). Like every time you have to update your resume, or fuck around with that hellscape that is LinkedIn. Except at least this time it’s a wide open space for me. I get to proclaim who I am, keep it simple, let the work do the work, and not some technically intense site that never got me anywhere in the first place. Typeface, content, body, portfolio, images. There’s more there than I give myself credit for. It will actually be promising I think to put this down on paper. I’m looking forward to it? Ha, that’s a loaded question mark. Maybe it will help me put a bow on this transition and put me in a more creative space again instead of all this engineering business. Because there’s so much to do creatively — maybe put that engineering work nested inside of creativity again. Really connect with the motivation behind it.
I wonder where all this goes anyway. This has all ended up a bit more open-ended than I had anticipated. I guess it’s only been a couple of months. Terrifying to not know what happens next? But with so much uncertainty even the best laid plans or most Machiavellian strategy seems to go nowhere, unless it’s simply to hedge bets. I’m ready to hedge bets. Keep building and making and creating rather than letting some position or role be what guides me. I just don’t know if I’m there yet. I’m taking some time to figure out where or what kind of PhD is attractive, doing research in the meantime, building that CV, and making stuff.
Plates